Sleep: Fundamental to your health and relationship

Many of the numerous benefits of sleep are closely linked to the quality of a couple’s relationship, influencing behaviour as well as emotional and physical intimacy. Different studies have shown, for example, that poor sleep quality can worsen perceptions of relationship qualities.[2]

Harmony within a couple is one of the essential pillars of a relationship. However, the ability to maintain this harmony may be affected by various external factors: frequent arguments and ineffective communication, concerns about the future, such as job loss, financial disagreements and an unsatisfactory sex life.[3]

A common element in many relationship problems is their link to stress and anxiety. The resulting impatience and bad moods are aggravating factors in many situations and are closely linked to a lack of sleep. A person suffering from chronic stress due to poor quality sleep will be irritable more easily, impairing their empathy and ability to resolve conflicts constructively.

Stress is a normal and necessary response of the body to aggressions of all kinds, whether they are physical or chronic. When we face a physical danger, our body first reacts with an intense and rapid response that enables us to fight or flee. This reaction is, however, short lived.

When we face a chronic aggression such as an illness or lack of sleep, the secretion of cortisol enables us to fight the fatigue and deal with the situation until it is under control. While stress is a necessary response, in the long term it can affect almost all the body’s functions and lead to numerous health problems as well as tension in the couple’s relationship.[4]

When there are no sources of stress, the body starts to secrete cortisol very early in the morning in anticipation of the day’s possible aggressions. As the day progresses, cortisol secretion decreases to reach a minimum towards the end of the evening to ensure a good night’s sleep. When stress and anxiety arise from relationship or other problems, cortisol secretion becomes irregular throughout the day, disrupting sleep. Dr. Pierre Mayer, Medical Director of Sleep Care at Biron, explains that “when the sympathetic system is activated (cortisol response), it has the same effect as someone drinking coffee”.[5]

Conversely, poor quality of sleep, regardless of the cause, results in an abnormal secretion of cortisol, exacerbating the stress, which in turn disrupts sleep. A vicious cycle, where the chicken and the egg become one.

Research on the link between sleep and libido is often contradictory and varies somewhat between the sexes.[6]

However, many studies have shown that lack of sleep, including that caused by obstructive sleep apnea, has repercussions on couples’ sex lives. Here are some of the effects reported by the American Sleep Foundation[7]:

• A reduced sexual desire in women and a higher risk of erectile dysfunction in men.
• A disruption of the normal cortisol secretion rhythm in people who work at night, increasing the risk of sexual problems.
• Fatigue due to poor quality sleep, making conflict with a partner more likely, and fostering an emotional state that is not favourable to intimacy, and detracts from a satisfying sex life.

In addition to mood disorders and irritability, a lack of sleep is often accompanied by intense fatigue, even exhaustion. This fatigue reduces the desire to perform physical activities or even to enjoy moments of physical intimacy with one’s partner, an essential element in a satisfying relationship. On the same note, it’s important to point out that sexual activity can also promote better sleep!

While a lack of sleep can increase stress and affect a couple’s relationship when it comes to communication, intimacy and libido, the opposite is also true: a restful sleep promotes communication, strengthens the sense of intimacy and helps improve a couple’s relationship. It all starts with good sleep hygiene adapted to life as a couple.[8]

Here are a few tips to help you reach this balance:

• Avoid stimulants such as alcohol, caffeine, nicotine or intense exercise near bedtime.
• Take time to relax before going to sleep: set aside your electronic devices (smartphones, computers, TVs). This is the perfect time to share precious moments… and cuddles!
• Establish a sleep routine: go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. For many couples, synchronizing their sleep schedules and sharing a common bedtime and wake-up ritual can be beneficial.

If there are sleep problems, it may be useful to investigate each partner’s sleep disorders.[1]

A good night’s sleep means different things to different people, but the key habits that make it possible are the same. Healthy sleep hygiene is not only key to our overall health, but also to ensuring a lasting happy relationship.

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